I had far too many desperate and depressing thoughts today. Mostly these leeching thoughts were the results of comments maid to me by my coworkers. First Greg Brooks, in reference to my desktop machine
blue screening , says
"Great, just what I need from you, lower productivity". That really set me off. I am a
"Security Professional" so it is essential that I maintain an up to date system. I was applying the latest hot-fixes for Win 2000, resulting in a blue screen. If Greg wants to demerit my work he should do it at a more appropriate time, not when I am trying to do something right. Incident number two: Sean Mullen says to Jimmie Byington "Here is our second clown right here," upon seeing me in the Com Room. Yes, and these are the guys who have repeatedly lectured me on what they feel a
"professional" should
act like; note, they never say that a professional should
be like anything, all they infer is
acting a certain way. Does any one else see the difference? One is only surface deep, and the other has weight and merit.
Needless to say, my morale went straight into the dumper today. I went to lunch and contemplated flatly resigning, this marks the first thoughts along this line, previously I imagine leaving to go elsewhere. I actually made a list of my grievances.
Why I must leave:
My employer takes for granted the things I do well while repeatedly and deeply denigrating my mediocre performance on activities I struggle with.
I am the recipient of verbally abusive treatment
I am publicly humiliated, including in front of the company's customers; laughter at my expense is quite entertaining to my peers, one might say that I was the company laughing stock
My character and esprit are mocked jovially and continually.
My work, schedule, performance, work-load, punctuality, attitude, and every other quality are scrutinized to a degree far beyond that of any of my peers.
Everything I do is second guessed - including suggestions that I make; granted sometimes it is necessary due to my bantam ability in the networking arena.
Finally, it should be noted that I learn as a child learns - by my mistakes, and there is no room for this approach to learning in this environmentIn short, I feel that I have every reason to resign, and yet I have no where to go, and so I stay.
On a lighter note I bought an 802.11g Wireless access point in order to enjoy the Internet from the comfort of my new Papasan chair, pleasingly placed in my favorite thinking spot. While trying to configure the access point, my
Virtual PC crashed, and so I went ahead and bought the upgrade...ahhh!!! Even though I have a Macintosh, I am still paying out the
yanger for Microsoft crap. I was hoping to be able to post this entry from my chair, because the thought gives me a smile, but it doesn't look probable for tonight ;(
