Another ironic bit of information: Colleen stopped by to have lunch with Greg, and Greg mentioned to me that he had a dream that I "pulled a Gomez on him", meaning that I walked into his office and told him "I've had enough" and quite on the spot. I laughed and smiled quite widely as I responded, "I've had that dreams 15 or 20 times!" I followed this up with: "It's not like I get treated extremely well here." A good example would be Dave Henderson's remarks to me this morning - this turns out to be quite a typical thing around the office. People think that because they are a couple of years older than me that they are wiser; they are not. You have to understand the motives of others to be wise - they do not. Not only do I understand other people, I understand myself which makes me not only wise but enlightened. This isn't bragging, I suffered long and hard, through my suffering things came to light - most of these revolved around me and one of several questions: Who am I? What am I doing with my life? What do I want to do with my life? Why am I so lonely? What is wrong with me? What is right with me? The list goes on. When you truly turn your eyes unassumingly and presumptively on yourself you learn a lot. I would guess, that there are not many among our ranks at Tulmel that have done this.
There was a second half of the dream that Greg didn't disclose. I would guess that one of two events occurred in the second half of his dream: my leaving lead to Greg being demoted or being fired, or my leaving lead to the entire company's demise in the eyes of our customers - meaning the customer exacted a ninety day out after I left. Either of these to options would not surprise me. I can tell that Greg is worried, I could see the fear in his eyes. His actions, on the other hand, reveal to me that he has told himself that it was only a dream; he is not taking heed! It wasn't two hours after he talked to me about his dream that smarted off about my performance review to a fellow employee. The exact kind of thing that makes me want to leave!! First of all, he shouldn't have been discussing my performance review with my peers! Secondly, he said "That's set in stone - six months of zero production!" in regard to my review. Yes, I have struggled with the firewall upgrade. Yes, that daily struggle has meant I had less time to work on other things. I have hardly had "zero production" . While I have struggled with the firewall, I have maintained my other responsibilities fairly well! I have not slipped much on the daily administration of the production firewall. I have not failed to fulfill my on-call responsibilities. I have been supervising the Interns activities, and she has made quite a bit of progress on the WAN site database. I have been supervising our new employee Josh's progress on his first big project - making sure that he didn't drown. Well, that isn't exactly nothing! Granted my production has been reduced, but it certainly isn't zero. If I weren't producing anything, then that means that anyone could stand in and do my job; as far as I can tell, if I left, they would be hurting pretty bad. I have half a mind to make his dream prophetic just to show him that his perception of my performance is more or less skewed.
