There is too much hatred in the world, too much disgust, too much criticism, too much self-righteousness, too much pride, too much fear, too much pain, too much suffering, too much bitterness and every other evil thing. Of all the pains I have ever felt in life far too many of them have been caused by pride - either my own pride or that of another. We humans love to build ourselves up. To the point that much of this life is wasted
keeping up appearances . Maintaining useless self-images. Wanting to
appear to be something rather than
being it. Maintaining the illusions we hold of ourselves, our own self image or an image that we believe someone else holds of us, and doing so at the expense of those around us. I wished that people were more honest about themselves. There is no point to maintain the charade. Be yourself. Be vulnerable to the world, yes there are people who will hurt you and say mean things and envy and try to stand in your way and complain about you; these people will reap the rewards for their labor; we are all guilty of being these people and we must strive not to be. Embrace humanity; love; be kind; be good; care for each other. Be peaceful
I have spent many hours being taught great patience in this life, and I have used patience in the past to humble myself in situations where lesser men would have been insulted. This could be called meekness - power in reserve - however, I usually concede my will to patience for the betterment of all concerned parties. There is a time to endure, and a time to correct wrong, in enduring we can hope to influence and with influence we can hope to nurture growth. The past was the time to endure, and now is the time to correct.
Once upon a time in a computer lab, there was a very talented, extremely bright young admin (and systems designer). Having found favor with the overseeing Professor of the lab, and deservedly so, this young man was to instruct and manage his fellow students - those of lesser ability than his. During the course of his duties it was his frequent habit to inquire about what they were working on. To check up on them so to speak. "What are you working on?" he would inquire. Unfortunately, the young admin's tone was not that of pure intrigue and he did not ask out of personal interest. Clearly the tone betrayed his motives: in his mind it was his job to ensure that all of the students continued making progress toward some particular goal; and that he should do this because he felt himself superior to the others. He was the caretaker of the lab, afterall, and the overseer of the students working there ( including myself although not to the same degree as the lesser students), so whenever these words crossed the threshold of my ears in the past I responded politely out of courtesy and what I felt was mutual respect.
Times have changed, as they so often do, and now I am the only person in and out of the lab on a regular basis. This young admin had returned from abroad for a visit. While we were working in the lab recently, he indulged himself with his habitual phrase "What are you working on?" in the same overbearing tone that he had used in the past. While surfing the Internet looking for command line MP3 rippers, the words floated from his lips. I cannot judge his intent. I can only write about my interpretation of his intent, and I believe that to be an outward expression of his internal belief that he is my superior. I am no one's whipping boy, no matter what they may think of me or my presently chosen path, no mater how dear a friend, no matter how much I respect them. I did not respond to this question.
The previous day we had a discussion in which he expressed to me his thoughts on my current performance with the University. In which he expressed his concern that I was "drifting" that there was no one "overseeing" me, no one pushing me to become "better" (whatever that may be is purely a matter of subjective opinion). I assume that he felt that if no Professors at the University would do the pushing that it was his rightful place to apply pressure where needed; it was not his place.
My path has been laid before me, and I have chosen it. I am drifting because I need rest. I am drifting because this is what I want to do at this particular moment; to rest, to observe, and to indulge my interest with reading and learning,
doing when I feel the inspiration to do so. I am waiting for some new direction to present itself, this is an act of patience, but this is not an act to be understood by many in this world... including, unfortunately, this young administrator. He sees and he thinks he understands, but he over looks much; his quick judgments lack the deliberation of experience. When there is nothing to be done, do nothing. Deliberate and wait.
Idle can be a verb, this implies an active action.
This particular admin can't stand idleness. He would rather run with a rage a thousand miles in the wrong direction than to idle. I respect this, I was younger once. Without the journey's of youth there would never be the understanding of maturity. Understanding of this nature, the pearls of wisdom, can not be imparted by a single other human being, they must be acquired singularly through personal trials and experience.... while books are great for enlightening the mind, they cannot count towards experience for the soul and we intelligentsia take this for granted far too often.
Good luck Admin, Godspeed. You aren't going anywhere until you master two things: (1) communicating your emotions to those around you, and (2) communicating your ideas to people on a level that they can understand. It makes sense, to climb to the top in the world you have to interact with the world, and that means dealing with lots of people. Until you have master these qualities you will be merely a rebellious genius.
