Whenever I get work into an excited frenzy (a mania, if you will) - where I feel like I can handle anything - I make the most mistakes in judgment (and work related - basically in every aspect of my life). The mistakes lead into a stupor. Then into a period of reflection and depression during which I feel as if my whole life has been wasted following a hollow dream, searching for a reality that will never exist for me; then I feel paralyzed, like there is no point to even trying, because no matter what, no matter how hard I try, I'm going to fuck up again. Knowing that I can't prevent only adds on to my hopelessness.
Basically, my whole life has been one failure after another, but I keep getting up in the morning - and for now - I keep trying despite my better judgment that tells me I should just give it all up.
